I am habitually late. Its a fault that I cannot deny. For me, there are never enough hours in the day or days in the week. No matter how hard I try to be on time or accomplish a task within a set time frame, I am, more often than not, beset by frustration. The most annoying thorn in the nose of my cursed clock face is that although I am well aware of my second hand failing, the knowledge of it does nothing to assist me in finding a remedy. No matter what efforts I employ I seem to be destined to fulfill my mother's prediction and will indeed be late to my own funeral.... to which anyone who knew me that may bother to attend will come to no surprise.
Following in my true form, I am once again late in keeping a promise. As we are now well into the new year my usual halftime report is well beyond the point of moot, but I offer you, my fellow Observers, a look back on the highlights of 2018. I hope you enjoy reminiscing as much as I did choosing who and what made the list. I also hope you will forgive me for not being able to overcome my faults.
So without further adieu........
** Sarah Huckabee Saunders has to stop taking lessons from the orange wonder when it comes to Tweeting. The only thing they both seem to achieve is the general public not taking them seriously either on the podium or in restaurants. This action does however make them perfect candidates for artistic inspiration. Just ask Jim Carey.
** President Trump instituted a 50% of total cost tariff on all imported solar panels in an effort to boost domestic production and prompt consumers to buy American made products. This would make a lot more sense if it weren't for the fact that his administration is sunsetting several programs which fund initiatives that offer financial help and tax deductions to home owners who want to go green. I'm sure he feels that money would be better used elsewhere as the sun is only around half the time anyway.
** Roseanne Barr got quite a bit of media attention over her 80's sitcom reboot and even more when she publicly compared Obama senior advisor Valerie Jarrett to a Muslim chimpanzee. I guess she forgot she worked for Disney. She might as well have spit and grabbed her crotch after singing the national anthem at a nationally televised baseball game....... wait a minute....
** Kathy McVay recovered nicely after being hit in the right eye by a hot dog at a baseball game. Philadelphia Phillies mascot "The Phillie Phanatic" took the field on a golf cart type vehicle armed with a frankfurter shaped air cannon that shot out the fan favorite food. Shooting a Ball Park projectile in her direction, McVay failed to catch the birdlike by-product and found herself in the hospital submitting to concussion testing protocols before the bottom of the 9th. When asked if she would be discouraged from attending another home game, McVay replied " I love the Phillies. I would defiantly go. I just have a story to tell.". Yes Kathy, you sure do... "Sit down kids and grandma will tell you about how the team mascot hit me in the face with his wiener."
** And while we are on the subject of sports.... well... kinda..... Could somebody please tell me that after a year of suffering this infantile crap, who of us is left (besides the circus peanut currently renting the oval office) that gives a flying leap frog fart about some crybaby millionaires who got rich only because they could catch, run or throw a ball refusing to stand for our national anthem before they start playing with themselves. I myself care about these idiots just about as much as the patriotic morons who bitch loud enough to bring attention to their actions. Right along with the college students who stomp on our flag and the foreign malcontents that burn it underneath a "Death to America" sign that is usually misspelled. When is all this stuff going to go away? Don't these red, white and blue bellyachers get it? They are giving these protesters exactly what they want. Attention.... Press... Acknowledgement. They do these things because they know that some gung ho, old glory, nut job fanatic is gonna scream foul at the top of their grand old flag lungs just in time for them land on the ABC nightly news so Barbie's boyfriend Ken can tell millions all about what they did. Maybe if these stars and bars bozos practiced their patriotism with their hearts instead of their mouths all those pesky protesters might go away..... its just a thought.
** In a political move that brought him a lot of criticism from his supporters, President Trump signed an executive order at the behest of his wife.... wait... his daughter.... no... hold on.... yes...I was right the first time.... it was his wife...I always confuse those two... that rescinded a portion of his new immigration policy. Families will no longer be separated from each other when caught trying to enter the USA illegally and efforts to reunite those who suffered this action were implemented. Officials are hopeful that all the families will be back together before the children graduate high school.
Being very proud of himself for initiating this rare humanitarian act, it has been rumored that he also promised Melania to stop waving his Social Security card out of the window of his limo early mornings in front of the local Home Depot and he will try very hard not to dance in front of cripples.
** In an effort to reduce the number of heat related accidents that had been happening, authorities recommended that you should put something that is very important to you in the back seat of your car... right next to your child.
** Even though the current administration insists that our economy is on the rise, Bankrate.com reported that over 50% of Americans polled will not be taking vacation in 2019 because they simply can't afford it. Another confusing issue is that employee benefits have apparently been affected by the amazing comeback we are experiencing as only 36% of those polled claim that they receive paid vacation time. Who needs sandy beaches and umbrella drinks anyway? The American work ethic is more important. Just ask the first family when they get back from Milan.
** A Montana couple reported that while driving on the highway they were attacked by what they described as a giant raccoon at least eight feet tall. Arthur and Helen Baker stated that the creature appeared in front of their vehicle, started smashing the windows and flipped the vehicle over several times before injuring itself then running away. Authorities suggested that it may not have been a raccoon, but started an investigation none the less. They may not have enough manpower to solve this mystery as they also had to follow up on a lead that Rocky the flying squirrel has been buzzing the Great Falls International Airport tower.
** While answering a service call for a non-working ATM in Tinsukia, India a technician discovered a dead rat inside the machine along with close to 1,349,000 rupees ($19,000.00 American dollars) shredded apparently by the money munching rodent. An official investigation was launched to determine if the rat was the culprit. The cause of death was not available at the time of this writing but I've always had my suspicions about the health risks of Indian cuisine.
** In response to a security report issued this past November, the leader of our current administration is confident that we are in no danger. I have to say that I am personally sleeping a whole lot better now that our president has assured us on Twitter (..again...) that we don't have to worry about North Korea, Afghanistan, Al Qaeda, Iran, the Taliban or even Isis anymore despite the fact that top officials who have spent millions of our tax dollars to investigate these threats have stated otherwise. Oh well.... not to worry. Those nit-picking, waste of time daily briefings King Louie's son isn't reading are just fake intelligence anyway.
** According to The National Low Income Housing Coalition, in order for a family to afford the rent on a two bedroom apartment in Connecticut the head of household must make at least $24.90 per hour or work at least 99 hours per week making minimum wage. I guess the 16,000 plus homeless in Connecticut just don't want a roof over their head bad enough.
** Several activist groups are trying to remove a law on the books in Montana which states that seven or more Indians (Native Americans) who are grouped together can be considered a "raiding" or "War" party and it is legal to for those citizens that feel threatened to shoot them. Some people want to suck the fun out of everything. I mean, c'mon! Can't these Dudley do gooder two shoes let us have this one? It's bad enough already that I can't leave my sheep in the cab of my truck without a chaperone within the Butte city limits!!!...Sheesh!!!
** On the healthcare front, the ACA is still in force for the time being as the GOP tries to come up with their own brilliant plan (or the subsidy fund for the ACA goes bankrupt... whichever comes first) and all the while warning us about the Big Bad Canadian Wolf that is socialized medicine. Seems kind of odd to me that the only people not complaining about or criticizing it.... are Canadians.
** Three rhino poachers who broke into a South Africa game preserve were apparently eaten by lions. This conclusion of their fate was suggested by local authorities after three pairs of bloody shoes, a couple of gloves, wire cutters, high powered rifles fitted with silencers and a type of axe that is commonly used by rhino hunters to remove the animal's horns were found scattered amongst the thick bushes of the preserve by employees. In reading this article, I immediately realized two things. South African lions are very quick and South African poachers are very stupid.
** Something was pissing off the elks in the Montana section of Yellowstone National Park. At least three people have been attacked by the creatures since this past June. The bison seem to be agitated by humans as well, made apparent by the fact that one person was kicked and another gored by the bovines distant cousin when they ventured to close. There have been no such reports from the Wyoming or Idaho sections of the park. It must be something in the water.
** Employing an old time tradition that has been practiced for the past few decades our federal government was yet again "shut down" by the people we elected to "keep it running". The latest executive temper tantrum that was thrown revolved around the proposed budget provision of 5 billion dollars for improvements to our southern border wall. The president rejected any budget that didn't provide for it and congress wouldn't pass any that included money for the wall on the grounds that the president promised he would make Mexico pay for it. The conflict resulted in the longest shutdown in our 243 years a nation and it is yet unresolved as Mexico still hasn't cracked open their checkbook. I suppose we will have to decide for ourselves which point of view is more ridiculous. The fact that Mexico won't pay or that so many people actually believed that they would.
** Last years mid term elections for congress, senate and even state legislative positions became highly competitive as candidates didn't let little things such as indictments or even death get in the way of their political ambitions. Apparently their constituents agree. Despite being faced with or literally under federal indictments for securities fraud, campaign corruption and federal corruption that included campaign and Medicare fraud, New York and California decided that their incumbent representatives were not so bad (because the president said so) and let them keep their jobs. New Jersey did exactly the same, only on the senate level. On the state legislative side, Nevada voters elected a dead pimp.... Oh... excuse me... brothel owner to represent their interests. I guess none of us will find out who actually gets the positions until after the convictions, acquittals and/or funerals are over.
** The entire Georgia education system joined the ranks of 19 other states by publicly announcing that spanking students will now be allowed as a form of discipline in their schools throughout all grades K - 12. Although the corporal punishment standards and regulations vary from state to state, the most common form seems to be as follows:
A school administrator will take the student behind closed doors, have them place their hands on their knees or a piece of furniture and the child will be struck across the buttocks with a paddle anywhere from 12 but no more than 24 inches in length. (who sits down and comes up with this crap?.... had to be a guy with compensation issues) In all states, an adult witness has to be present during the punishment.
Now maybe I'm just a disenchanted, pessimistic, jaded cynic but it seems to me that this form of discipline is more for the teachers pleasure rather than the student's betterment. Allegations that the teachers are having the children chant "Thank you sir. May I have another?" have neither been confirmed or denied.
** Certain factions.... my mistake... activist groups have pointed out that the "Ok" symbol the president is so often seen using during his speeches is in reality a secret symbol of "white power" used to show his racist brethren his undying support in their ongoing cause and not just some nervous tick he can't seem to shake. Slenderman and the Wendigo are calling Nessie and Bigfoot with the news right now.
** And speaking of Bigfoot.... An unidentified man in a black Ford F150 pickup driving around Lewis & Clark county in Montana seems to like shooting at random people he thinks are Bigfoot....Bigfeet?....Bigfoots?....whatever the plural is. A man setting up targets for practice shooting in a forest near Helena reported to authorities that he was shot at and then approached by a man who told him "I thought you were a Bigfoot.". The suspect also added "I don't target practice, but if I see something that looks like Bigfoot, I just shoot at it.".
A woman has also come forward claiming that she was also shot at by a man driving a black F150. Oddly enough, neither victim was able to provide a detailed description of the alleged shooter prompting authorities to suggest that he may just be a myth.
First Orlando, then Ohio and now Montana has joined the ranks of places in this country we should all stay away from, my loyal reader. Seriously, who needs to be put in a position where you might be attacked by a giant raccoon sent by a War party of Native Americans, who apparently have some pull with the local elks and bison, after being mistaken for Bigfoot, all because you left your sheep without a chaperone in the cab of your truck? I know I don't.
If there is anything that becomes sadly apparent after reading the above list is that our country is failing.... and not just in Montana. It is failing because we are letting it due directly to our selfishness. Due to what speaks to us personally instead of what we need as a commonality... as a nation. We refuse to work together and cannot tolerate when someone has an opinion that doesn't reflect our own. Both sides of the aisle have their sycophants conditioned to believe that the other side won't take care of us, won't keep us safe, won't make us "great" again. Like Pavlov's dog we respond to this stimuli falling from our politicians mouths that addresses only individual needs, wants and fears masked in false sincerity of community ties where little or none exist. We have learned to listen only to what affects us personally caring little for each other.
I don't understand how we have reached the point that we take our politics so seriously that we are blinded by them. What I do understand is that almost everyone wants their personal views represented in our government as much as possible but we have to be realistic in that want. We have to understand that not all of those wants will be met and sometimes even none will. That's how our system works and we have to accept the good and the bad within the scope of democracy. Screaming obscenities at a customer wearing opposing faction garb (I'll discuss the MAGA hats and the pro Don-Don shirts later) from behind the counter in a vape shop like a five year old little girl who was told she couldn't have that dolly she wanted so badly at WalMart isn't the way our views should be expressed towards one another. This one sided insanity has become the face of America when it comes to our political views and both sides are just as culpable.
I submit that we look no further than the closest mirror when we ask ourselves what is wrong with our country. That we consider our own faults rather than blame who is sitting in office. After all.... we put them there. We have forgotten our objectivity. Instead of using our vote to elect who we truly believe would will do the best job for us, regardless of party or affiliation, we simply pull the "R" or the "D" lever instead of making that choice by where candidates stand on the issues that matter. Worse yet, we waste our votes because we don't particularly care for a candidate because of his tie or her hair, something unsubstantiated that they have been accused of or something they said or did that seemed off color. We have abandoned the ideals that truly made us "great". Unity... Diversity... Acceptance... Charity... Generosity... Selflessness... Tolerance... Compassion. We have also forgotten an ever constant truth. When we allow those that wish to lead us use fear, mistrust, personal gain and prejudice to drive our decision making we will always get something in return that we didn't want. Strictly an Observation. If you'll excuse me, my wife called and told me that I'm late for dinner.
